How to Turn Down a Doula Client Who Isn't the Right Fit

There are times in your doula career when you’re interviewing a potential client and you know, somewhere in your gut, that this isn’t going to work. Maybe you can’t name why. Maybe you can.

I’m here to remind you of something I say in my doula training all the time: You’re not the right doula for everyone, and that’s okay.

Turning down a client can feel uncomfortable, especially when you’re newer to this work and still building your practice. Worries about income are real. So is the feeling that you should be able to work with anyone. You might second-guess your instincts.

But taking on a client who isn’t a good fit often leads to more stress, more difficulty, and sometimes to situations that affect your confidence and your reputation. Learning to recognize a mismatch early and handle it with professionalism is a skill that will serve you throughout your career.

Signs That a Client May Not Be the Right Fit

Not every mismatch is dramatic. Sometimes it’s obvious, and sometimes it’s a quiet feeling that something is off. Here are some common situations where declining might be the best choice:

Personality mismatch. Sometimes there’s a disconnect between you and the birthing person or their partner. Tension, feeling dismissed, or noticing that your communication styles don’t align are all signs worth paying attention to. These issues tend to intensify under the pressure of labor.

Unrealistic expectations about your role. A potential client who expects you to guarantee a specific birth outcome, advocate against their medical team, or perform tasks outside your scope of practice is a significant concern. Doulas support and inform; we don’t control outcomes or replace medical care.

A partner who isn’t supportive of hiring a doula. When one partner is enthusiastic and the other is openly skeptical or resistant, you may find yourself in an uncomfortable dynamic at the birth. This doesn’t mean both partners need to be equally excited, but open hostility toward your presence is a red flag.

Needs outside your training or comfort zone. Perhaps they’re planning a type of birth you haven’t supported before and don’t feel ready for. Or maybe they have specific medical circumstances that feel beyond your experience. Referring them to someone more suited to their needs is better than overextending yourself.

Communication patterns that concern you. Difficulty reaching them, frequent rescheduling without notice, dismissive responses to your questions, or disrespectful behavior during the interview can indicate challenges ahead.

Resistance to discussing payment or signing a contract. Potential clients who avoid conversations about your fee, resist signing your contract, or have a pattern of not following through with other service providers warrant careful consideration.

Something feels off, even if you can’t name it. Your intuition matters. Pay attention if you leave an interview feeling unsettled and you can’t quite say why. You’ve gathered more information than you realize.

Why New Doulas Struggle With Saying No

Early in your career, saying no can feel counterintuitive. You need clients to complete your certification requirements. You need income. You want to be helpful.

Here’s what I’ve seen over nearly 40 years in this field: the clients you force yourself to work with despite misgivings are often the ones who drain your energy, shake your confidence, or create problems that ripple into other parts of your practice.

One difficult client can affect your mental health, your relationship with backup doulas, and even your reputation if things go poorly and they share their experience publicly. The cost of saying yes to the wrong client is often higher than the cost of saying no.

You also deserve to enjoy this work. Dreading every interaction with a client before their baby even arrives is information worth heeding.

How to Decline Gracefully

Turning down a potential client doesn’t need to be awkward or unkind. Keep it simple, professional, and focused on fit rather than fault.

Be honest about availability. If your calendar truly won’t accommodate them, say so clearly and quickly. Don’t leave them hanging while you deliberate.

Frame it as a matter of fit, not failure. Listing everything that concerned you isn’t necessary. A general statement about fit is usually enough and avoids hurt feelings.

Stay professional and kind. Even if their behavior during the interview was off-putting, your decline should be respectful. You never know who they know or where your paths might cross again.

Offer a referral when appropriate. If you know another doula who might be a better match, offer to connect them. This is helpful to the client and supportive of your doula community.

Sample Language You Can Use

Here are some phrases that work well when declining a potential client:

“Thank you so much for meeting with me. After giving it some thought, I don’t think I’m the best fit for what you’re looking for, but I’d be happy to recommend some other doulas who might be a great match.”

“I appreciate you considering me for your birth team. Based on our conversation, I think you might be better served by a doula with more experience in [specific situation]. Let me send you a few names.”

“Thank you for reaching out. Unfortunately, my schedule won’t allow me to take on additional clients with due dates in [month]. I hope you find wonderful support for your birth.”

“I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, but I want to be honest that I’m not sure we’re the right fit for each other. Finding a doula you feel completely aligned with matters, and I’d be happy to help you find that person.”

A detailed explanation isn’t required. Justifying your decision isn’t necessary either. A kind, clear decline is enough.

What If You’ve Already Signed a Contract?

Occasionally, you might realize after signing a contract that you’ve made a mistake. This is harder to navigate, but it does happen.

Review your contract carefully. Most doula contracts include language about either party ending the agreement. Understanding what your contract says about refunds and notice periods is essential before having any conversation.

Have an honest conversation. If possible, explain that after further reflection, you don’t believe you’re the right fit, and you want them to have support they feel fully confident in. Offer to help them find another doula and be prepared to refund according to your contract terms.

Learn from it. Use this experience to refine your interview process. What signs did you overlook? What questions might have surfaced the issue earlier?

Protecting Your Practice and Your Energy

Saying no to a client who isn’t right for you is an act of self-respect. It’s also an act of service to them; they deserve a doula who is genuinely aligned with their needs.

As you gain experience, you’ll get better at recognizing the signs early and trusting your judgment. And you’ll build a practice full of clients you’re excited to support, which makes this work sustainable for the long haul.

Want to learn more about building a doula practice that works for your life? Explore DONA-approved birth doula training →